He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
