My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
