In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
