cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I will be naked everywhere
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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