but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
