I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
