And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
