please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
