It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
