I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
