no, he came in my armpit
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
