Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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