party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
