Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Are my feet made of real feet?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
