Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
