he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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