My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
