My brain says no but my pants say off.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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