I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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