would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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