Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
