I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
