Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
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I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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