farters have to be the big spoon...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
