ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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