So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
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she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
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I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
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