judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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