11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
