what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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