Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think my vagina is haunted
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
