Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
