Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
