just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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