Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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