apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
