I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
