I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
