I think my fart just growled at me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
