Moan for me like Helen Keller
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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