im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
