rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
