Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
