i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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