I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
