My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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