my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
