Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
