also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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