I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
