Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
