Me. At least after what I've been through.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
