I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
