I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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