The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
