the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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