Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
