omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
