The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she pinky promised me she was 18
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
