Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
