i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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