u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
