you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i came on her dog
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
