You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
