I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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