wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We have so much sex to catch up on
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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