somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
