He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
