Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
