Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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