yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
